From Our Heart to Yours – With a Cleaver
Here at the Haunted Mill Tour, we’re more than just soulless zombies and ghouls. We make art — true, most people would call them blood splatters — but it’s basically the same thing. Every year, Bub the Butcher sets down his cleaver and carves out a few limericks in honor of our donors. Give $25, get a limerick. Here’s a gallery of some of our favorites.
Bub’s Bloody Valentines
Donate $25 and Get Your Own
A Limerick For Rina
Rina, a creature of grace,
Had quite the remarkable face,
So we cut it off nice,
With a slice and a dice,
Now a skeletal grin’s in its place
A Limerick For Heather Hulbert
Heather, a zombie elite,
Was disgusted at the thought of feet,
It wasn’t their smell,
For she liked that quite well,
They just don’t pack quite enough meat.
A Limerick For Misty Morgan
Misty, who just wouldn’t faint,
Said the tour was all latex and paint,
So we took of her blood,
It came out in a flood,
And it turns out acrylic it ain’t.
A Limerick For Lillian Damron
A victim named Lillian Jane,
Would scream til folks’ ears bled with pain,
Choked out she between breaths,
“I have caused a few deaths,
But I bet you won’t hear them complain.”
A Limerick For Jennifer Trustem
A zombie who once was named Jenn,
Had an aversion to touching folks’ skin,
She discovered that eyes,
Were just the right size,
So that’s how she clawed her way in.
A Limerick For Richard Chase
Screecher, a clown most devout,
Could not stand to see his victims pout,
So he’d carve them a smile,
But zone out for a while,
Til his new toys were quite inside out.
The New Recruit
A Limerick For Jennifer Dunham
Jennifer Dunham once roared,
As she fought against the zombie horde,
But the dead on her flanks,
Soon made her close ranks,
Now she shambles by dragging a sword.
A Limerick For Hannah Rempel
Last year we helped lance Hannah’s blister,
When we publicly sliced up her sister,
Though they once were a pair,
Now she won’t have to share,
And honestly she hasn’t missed her.
A Limerick For Jacqui Cain
There once was a tour guide named Jacqui,
Who made a quite excellent lackey,
But like all sacks of meat,
She was tasty to eat,
Now her blood stains are growing quite tacky.